Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Christmas Time
Rev Dr James McCray Jr:
This is a UMC Clergy. He went on sabbatical in July 2006 but could not return to his church. He is married and was involved with a married woman. July 2007 he was allowed to go back to his church. When he went back to his church, he was still married, still involved with the married woman and started a relationship with his secretary. He was allowed to retire when the General Conference found out about this man's abuse of his power and his abuse of women. Is this fair? Should this man be allowed to be called a Reverend? Please do not be fooled by clergy like this?
Rev Dr James McCray Jr:

This is a UMC clergy. Charges brought against him for being in an emotional relationship with a married woman. He was married at the time and a Senior Pastor of Jones Memorial UMC. He was cleared of this. When his name was cleared in July 2007, he was still married, still involved with the married woman, and also started a relationship with his secretary. Do you think this man should still be a Reverend? Three women at the same time while married? Now this man was allowed to retire after the General Conference found this out. Is that fair?
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Denial, Blame, Guilt or Shame?

The great Rev. Dr. James McCray retired prematurely from Jones United Methodist Church. This is a Pastor of thirty eight years. He went on sabbatical in July 2006. His wife divorced him that same year after thirty eight years of marriage. Rumor has it that he abused his power by having a relationship with a married woman. Rev McCray was allowed to go back to his church in July 2007.
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Bishop Anthony Glen Owens
"Bishop" marries 8 women,
Goes to jail for bigamy
Anthony Glenn Owens presented himself as a minister, a man of God. He said he was an important preacher, bishop over a fellowship of more than 100 non–denominational churches.
In 2002, Owens met a woman in Texas who was recently retired from the Air Force. To her, Owens seemed to be a pious man of his word, devoted to his church. Not long after they met, Owens proposed—in fact, he traveled to Mississippi to ask the woman's father for her hand in marriage.
They married in June, 2002. But as the woman later discovered, Owens was already married. In fact, he was married to seven other women, and divorced from none of them.
Friday, November 14, 2008
Pastoral Appointments

Question:: Our pastor is being moved after the congregation unanimously recommended that he stay to continue work he has begun. Can we do anything to prevent the move once the decision has been made?
Complaints against clergy

Complaints against clergy
The United Methodist Church's practice is to respond to any charges of sex abuse or child abuse swiftly and with compassion for all affected parties. A clergyperson charged with such actions is afforded all the rights of fair process. Based on the nature of the allegations, the accused clergyperson is often relieved of his or her duties while the matter is resolved and always when there is a question of safety. Under no circumstances would a pastor under this kind of complaint be transferred, nor would the church cover up such actions.
"Ordination and membership in an annual conference in the United Methodist Church is a sacred trust," the 2000 Book of Discipline states in a section on complaint procedures. "The qualifications and duties of [clergy] ... are set forth in the Discipline, and we believe they flow from the gospel as taught by Jesus the Christ and proclaimed by his apostles. Whenever a [clergy]person ... is accused of violating this trust, the membership of his or her ministerial office shall be subject to review."
Such reviews are primarily held to resolve any violations of the sacred trust and to further God's work of justice, reconciliation and healing. Complaints about sex abuse are treated seriously and may lead to a church trial if charges are brought after investigation. In addition, church officials are committed to cooperating with law enforcement authorities in cases where the crime of sex abuse may have been committed.
Who sets policy for the UMC

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Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Hon Rev Dr James McCray Jr retired from Jones UMC

This Clergy retired suddenly from Jones United Methodist Church. We would like to know from UMC why he would return to Jones in July and then retire suddenly a few months later? Coincidence? McCray divorced his wife last year. What is going on with African American Pastors? We saw him on SFMTA and SBC21 websites. We tried to look at the Jones UMC website but we could not. Well here is a photograph of a UMC Clergy, Rev Dr James McCray Jr. UMC Clergy!!!
Strengthening the Black Church
what about umc clergy who abuse women who abuse their power? do you address that? would you have such a clergy on your board?
Thank God Amos Brown is not UMC
Pastor Amos Brown is the kind of Pastor who exemplifies ministers and Servants of God as we read in the Bible. I wonder what Pastor Amos Brown would say about clergy who abuse their power and who are guilty of sexual misconduct?
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Comments from disgruntled Clergy
Friday, November 7, 2008
Heaping Treasures on Earth

Matthew 6
Giving to the Needy
1"Be careful not to do your 'acts of righteousness' before men, to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven.2"So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be honored by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. 3But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing,4so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.
Treasures in Heaven
19"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.22"The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light. 23But if your eyes are bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!
24"No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Clergy Sexual Misconduct
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Sexual Abuse within Ministerial Relationships
Sexual Abuse Within Ministerial Relationships
There is little doubt that sexual misconduct in church and society is a significant and troubling topic for our communities and congregations worldwide. We are aware that this unwanted behavior damages the moral environment where people worship, work, and learn. In 1996, the General Conference made a commitment to focus on sexual misconduct within the church and take action to address this brokenness and pain within The United Methodist Church. (The Book of Resolutions 1996, p. 128; 2000, p. 135)
Power and Responsibility
These words of Ann Smith capture the essence of this critical issue: "The abuse of power occurs when we use power to gratify our own needs rather than to carry out God's sacred trust. It happens when we refuse to own the responsibility of guardianship that comes with the privilege of power . . . until we understand that power is the responsibility to give, instead of the opportunity to take, we will continue to abuse it." (Alive Now, Sept./Oct. 1996)
In accordance with The Book of Discipline, ¶ 161F, all human beings have equal worth in the eyes of God. As the promise of Galatians 3:26-29 states, " all are one in Christ"; therefore, we as United Methodists support equity among all persons without regard to ethnicity, situation or gender. In our congregations and settings for ministry, we seek to create an environment of hospitality for all persons, male or female, which is free from misconduct of a sexual nature and encourages respect, equality and kinship in Christ.
Those in positions of authority in the church, both clergy and lay, have been given much responsibility, vested with a sacred trust to maintain an environment that is safe for people to live and grow in God's love. Misconduct of a sexual nature inhibits the full and joyful participation of all in the community of God. Sexual misconduct in church and ministry settings impedes the mission of Jesus Christ. Ministerial leaders have the responsibility not only to avoid actions and words which hurt others, but also to protect the vulnerable against actions or words which cause harm.
As our children, youth and adults come to worship, study, camps, retreats, and schools of mission, they bring a heightened awareness of the issues of sexual abuse, sexual harassment, incest, rape, and sexual assault. In the safety and sanctity of the church's settings, we as church leaders and volunteers can be confronted with questions and disclosures of sexual violence and abuse from persons in our churches. We as clergy or lay ministers are asked for guidance and support from vulnerable and sometimes broken individuals. As we enter these pastoral and ministerial relationships, we do so facing the complexity of risk, vulnerability, and moral/ethical dilemmas. It is not only our pastors who find themselves searching for good information and wise advice to share; it is also our lay and clergy, volunteer and paid persons who fill ministerial roles with children, youth, young adults, and adults. These leaders may find themselves needing information and sufficient training or preparation for their ministry. All will need an appropriate and affirming ethic to guide their own behavior within a ministerial relationship with a group or individual parishioner. Clarity about the nature and scope of sexual misconduct is essential.
Sexual misconduct by either a lay person or clergy person within a ministerial relationship can be defined as a betrayal of sacred trust, a violation of the ministerial role, and the exploitation of those who are vulnerable in that relationship. Sexual abuse within the ministerial relationship occurs when a person within a ministerial role of leadership (lay or clergy, pastor, educator, counselor, youth leader, or other position of leadership) engages in sexual contact or sexualized behavior with a congregant, client, employee, student, staff member, coworker, or volunteer. (Book of Resolutions 1996, p. 130)
"Sexualized behavior" is behavior that communicates sexual interest and/or content. Examples include, but are not limited to displaying sexually suggestive visual materials; making sexual comments or innuendo about one's own or another person's body; touching another person's body; hair; or clothing; touching or rubbing oneself in the presence of another person; kissing; and sexual intercourse.
"Sexual harassment and sexual abuse within the ministerial relationship" represent an exploitation of power and not just "inappropriate sexual or gender-directed conduct." Sexual harassment is a continuum of behaviors that intimidate, demean, humiliate, or coerce. These behaviors range from the subtle forms that can accumulate into a hostile working, learning, or worshiping environment to the most severe forms of stalking, assault, or rape. It is important to see both sexual harassment and sexual abuse within relationships at work, school, or church as part of this continuum of brokenness. (Book of Resolutions 1996, p. 130)
Those in Ministerial Roles
Both laity and clergy fill ministerial roles in our church programs. In addition to clergy or professional staff, any United Methodist may fill a ministerial role by participating in such ministries as:
- leading and participating in lay speaking ministries;
- counseling or leading events for children, youth, and adults;
- teaching and leading in church schools for children, youth, and adults;
- counseling victims of violence, domestic violence, or sexual abuse;
- counseling couples about marriage, divorce, or separation;
- filling the pulpit temporarily;
- volunteering to chaperone trips, work camps, or special events;
- working in Walks to Emmaus and Chrysalis retreats;
- mentoring;
- supervising church staff members; and
- serving as missionaries.
Survey Results on Our Progress
In 1996, the General Conference confronted the topic of sexual abuse and sexual harassment within the ministerial relationship. It called for the development of policies in our churches, conferences, agencies, and schools. It further called for training and advocacy practices. The General Conference also called for a survey of progress as a denomination conducted by the General Commission on the Status and Role of Women in cooperation with other general agencies.
Surveys of annual conferences and local congregations reveal that our progress in four areas is not enough: prevention, education, intervention, and healing. The General Conference continues to call for additional technical assistance in several areas:
1. resources for various constituencies within the church addressing prevention, education, intervention, and healing after lay or clergy sexual misconduct;
2. more training (entry level, follow-up, and advanced) for the various constituencies within the church addressing prevention, education, intervention, and healing;
3. discovery, development and implementation of models for intervention and healing in order to provide a consistent and thorough response when complaints of lay or clergy sexual misconduct are initiated;
4. development of a model for ongoing assessment of policies, practices, and responses of conferences in addressing clergy and lay sexual misconduct;
5. appropriate handling of the presence and involvement of legally convicted sexual offenders in local congregational activities and ministry;
6. opportunities for annual conferences to share their resources and experiences in responding to complaints of clergy and lay misconduct of a sexual nature.
Therefore, be it resolved, that The United Methodist Church renews its stand in opposition to the sin of sexual misconduct and abuse within the church. It further recommits all United Methodists to the eradication of sexual misconduct in all ministerial relationships, and calls for:
1. The General Commission on the Status and Role of Women to continue to convene and coordinate a cooperative work team to address the areas of prevention, education, intervention, and healing with regard to lay and clergy misconduct of a sexual nature. The team will include persons from the General Board of Global Ministries, the General Board of Higher Education and Ministry, the General Council on Finance and Administration, the General Commission on the Status and Role of Women, the General Board of Discipleship, the General Board of Church and Society, and up to four additional persons from throughout the connection with expertise in these areas.
a. The work team's expenses, including but not limited to costs of travel, will be paid from the existing budgets of the participating agencies.
b. The work team will report its findings, actions, conclusions, and recommendations to the 2008 General Conference, including proposals for legislation if necessary.
2. The General Commission on the Status and Role of Women, in cooperation with the various sponsoring bodies, to provide resources for leaders of lay events and programs within the church in order to help train and equip them to raise this important issue with laity (including lay speakers, lay leaders, Christian educators, persons in mission, leaders in Schools of Christian Mission, Walks to Emmaus, Chrysalis, and National Youth Ministry Organization events and training, and projects for young people through the Shared Mission Focus on Young People).
3. The General Commission on the Status and Role of Women, through the cooperative work team, to ensure that resources for laity and clergy in ministerial roles are identified and promoted by the participating agencies for use in conferences, districts or clusters, and local congregations.
4. The Council of Bishops to reaffirm its commitment to preventing and eradicating sexual harassment, abuse and misconduct in the church through education, training, and sharing of resources. Each Episcopal area will develop ongoing plans to coordinate persons involved in prevention and intervention, including but not limited to: district superintendents, boards of ordained ministry, boards of laity, advocates, intervention and healing teams, trained mediators, and staff-parish relations committees.
5. United Methodist-related schools of theology to provide training on the prevention and eradication of sexual harassment, abuse, and misconduct within the ministerial relationship.
6. Annual conference boards of ordained ministry to provide education (entry level, follow-up, advanced) for all appointed clergy and for all newly appointed clergy and commissioned members. Annual conferences are also encouraged to provide similar education and training for those employed in ministerial leadership.
7. The General Board of Church and Society to continue to advocate for just laws that will help eradicate sexual harassment and abuse.
ADOPTED 1996, REVISED AND READOPTED 2000, REVISED AND READOPTED 2004
See Social Principles, ¶ 161I.
From The Book of Resolutions of The United Methodist Church - 2004. Copyright 2004 by The United Methodist Publishing House. Used by permission.
UMC Pastor sued for sexual misconduct
United Methodist pastor sued for sexual misconduct
July 14, 2004 By Ann Whiting* DETROIT (UMNS)--A former probationary deacon in the United Methodist Church’s Detroit Annual Conference has filed a lawsuit alleging sexual misconduct against a conference clergyman. Plaintiff Joy Singer – who withdrew from the ordained ministerial office in 1999 – filed the suit June 30 in the Wayne County Circuit Court. She also names the conference, the Michigan Area and the United Methodist Church for “negligent supervision.” Singer was ordained deacon in 1997. Singer, in a 20-page lawsuit, claims that the Rev. Charles Boayue, 44, pastor of Second Grace United Methodist Church, Detroit, offered to assist her in returning to the ordination process in return for sexual favors. At the time of the alleged misconduct, Boayue was chairperson of the conference relations committee of the Detroit Conference Board of Ordained Ministry. The lawsuit, which asks for more than $50,000 in damages, attorney fees, lost wages and the value of lost fringe benefits for Singer because she was never reinstated as a deacon, describes a relationship in which Boayue used his authority over Singer to arrange a series of private meetings. According to the Detroit Free Press, Singer and supporters staged a July 13 candlelight protest at the Second Grace United Methodist Church to try to put pressure on Boayue and Michigan Area Bishop Linda Lee. The lawsuit alleges that Boayue engaged in a months-long pattern of sexual abuse in 2003 and that Lee failed to properly investigate complaints Singer made against Boayue. The paper quotes Singer as saying that abuse by clergy must be publicly opposed. “I am coming forth because I do not want anyone else to get hurt,” she said. Responding July 13 to a request for comment, the Rev. Terry Euper, clergy assistant to Bishop Lee, said the bishop and the conference have not yet been served with the complaint. He declined to comment on any specifics of the suit. Euper said Lee followed the appropriate “supervisory process” outlined in the Book of Discipline when allegations of misconduct are made against clergy. “The church always takes any kind of charge seriously,” Euper said. “We are concerned for the protection and welfare of people.” He also said the results of the church investigation were “non-conclusive and conflicting.” Euper said when the conference and other defendants have been served, the suit will be turned over to the appropriate insurance carriers, who will do a separate investigation and name legal counsel to proceed. Conference Chancellor Renard Kolasa will assist church leaders in understanding the legal process. He will also help the attorney for the insurance carrier to understand United Methodist polity. In a July 13 interview with the Michigan Christian Advocate, Boayue said he could not comment on the lawsuit “because of the nature of the allegations and the seriousness of the charges.” Boayue said the church’s supervisory process found Singer’s charges not to be “substantiated.” He concluded, “We will have to defend ourselves in the appropriate places.” Boayue was a delegate to the 2004 General Conference and was elected in May as chairperson of the Detroit Conference Board of Ordained Ministry. *Whiting is the editor of the Michigan Christian Advocate, the newspaper of the Detroit and West Michigan annual conferences. News media contact: Linda Green, Nashville, Tenn., (615) 742-5470 ornewsdesk@umcom.org
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CHILD OF THE UNIVERSE
Clergy Sociopath Qualities
* Glibness/Superficial Charm
* Manipulative and Cunning
* Grandiose Sense of Self
* Pathological Lying
* Lack of remorse, shame or guilt
* Shallow emotions
* Incapacity for love
* Need for stimulation
* Callousness/Lack of empathy
* Poor Behavioral controls/Impulsive Nature
* Early Behavior Problems/Juvenile Delinquency
* Promiscuous Behavior/Infidelity
* Lack of Realistic Life Plan/Parasitic Lifestyle
* Criminal or Entreprenturial Versatility
Another definition: MORAL INSANITY
If you know anyone who exhibits these behavior patterns, especially someone in a leadership position, stay as far away from them as you can.
Thirteen Rules for Dealing with Clergy Socipaths
How to Handle the Religous Sociopath
Print This Post
Email This PostDr. Stout writes, "Socipaths are not few and far between. On the contrary, they make up a significant portion of our population. … For any individual living in the Western world to get all the way through life without knowing at least one such person, in some capacity or other, is virtually impossible. People without conscience experience emotions very differently from you and me, and they do not experience love at all, or any other kind of positive attachment to their fellow human beings. This deficit, which is hard even to ponder, reduces life to an endless game of attempted domination over other people. Sometimes sociopaths are physically violent… . Often they are not, preferring to "win" over others by raiding the business world, or the professions, or government- or simply by exploiting one person at a time in parasitic relationships… . " She outlines Thirteen Rules for Dealing with Sociopaths in Everyday Life. I’ll share those rules here and apply them to the Christian context. You can also think about these rules and how they apply to your own Christian context.
1. The first rule involves the bitter pill of accepting that some people literally have no conscience. These people do not often look like Charles Manson or a Ferengi bartender. They look like us.
- This is especially true in the church, which is a community of sinners bound together by the grace and sacrifice of Jesus Christ. It is important to remember that the church is a community of saved sinners, not a community of the conscienceless, nor a community of Evil.
2. In a contest between your instincts and what is implied by the role a person has taken on- educator, doctor, leader, animal lover, humanist, parent- go with your instincts.
- It is stunning the extent to which Christians forgo what they know to be true, pure, and right when they get to sit across the table from a powerful and charming bishop, pastor, or seminary professor. Studies show that otherwise normal and healthy personalities will do some of the most atrocious things in their blind allegience to an official with a title.
3. When considering a new relationship of any kind, practice the Rule of Threes regarding the claims and promises a person makes, and the responsibilities he or she has. Make the Rule of Threes your personal policy. Three lies, three broken promises or three instances of neglected responsibility are pretty indicative that you are dealing with a sociopath. Do not give your money, your work, your secrets, or your affection to a three-timer. Your valuable gifts will be wasted.
- I often wonder why Christians continue to engage leaders who consistently bamboozle them. In the Mainline leadership, it has become common practice to lie- well not always technically lie- but obfuscate the truth with artful use of words. It has also become common practice to use "bait and switch" and do things like "thread the needle." This is when leaders come to an agreement with a group or a person, and then use some obscurity in the conversation to achieve their agenda anyways through a "loophole" of some kind. It is also when church leaders say, for example, that they are upholding the rules of the church while they actually have no intention to. On the contrary, they are working feverishly to overturn the rules of the church, for example, in respect to clergy standards. This kind of dishonest manipulation is pure sociopathy.
4. Question authority.
- Just because your Bishop says it, doesn’t make it so. You should always question a leader’s authority when you have the feeling that they are abusing power, people, or the authority of their office. Do not go along with authority when you know full well they are wrong, and do not get tangled up following the rules they set down- especially if the rules they set hold the door open for evil and moral vacuity.
5. Suspect flattery.
- I have seen quite a few pastors and lay leaders buy lock, stock, and barrel into a sociopath’s agenda because they have been flattered with an appointment to an office, or with the opportunity to sit in the sociopath’s "inner circle." In fact, there could be nothing more insulting than a sociopathic bishop wanting you on his team.
6. If necessary, redefine your concept of respect. Too often, we mistake fear for respect, and the more fearful we are of someone, the more we view him or her as deserving of our respect. To mistake fear for respect is to ensure your own victimization. Let us use our big human brains to overpower our animal tendency to bow to predators, so we can disentangle the reflexive confusion of ansiety and awe. In a perfect world, human respect would be an automatic reaction only to those who are strong, kind, and morally courageous. The person who profits from frightening you is not likely to be any of these.
- How many churches bow to the demands of a denominational leader or bishop they know is doing wrong because they are afraid he or she will not send them their next pastor? How many bishops have threatened to remove a pastor, or take control of a congregation’s property, or have refused to provide qualified pastoral candidates to fill a vacant pulpit unless a congregation stops its protest against their radically sociopathic agendas? How many Churches have caved to these sociopathic bullies, allowing their evil to have free run in the world?
7. Do not join the game. Intrigue is a sociopath’s tool. Resist the temptation to compete with a seductive sociopath, to outsmart him, to psychoanalyze, or even banter with him. In addition to reducing yourself to his level, you would be distracting yourself from what is really important, which is to protect yourself.
- In the American church reform movements, good Christians constantly engage sociopathic denominational leaders with the hope of convincing them to do what’s right, or in their attempts to save the denomination itself from becoming wholly sociopathic. Conversely, sociopaths know that decent people will not be able to overcome them because we generally do not use the same tactics as they do. The best thing you can do is to refuse to be a piece in the sociopathic chess game. Instead, work to become the board upon which the sociopaths are constrained within boundaries and lines. You can’t beat a sociopath at their own game, but you can reshape the field upon which they have influence and access to limit their ability to hurt you and others.
8. The best way to protect yourself from a sociopath is to avoid him, to refuse any kind of contact or communication. The only truly effective method for dealing with a sociopath you have identified is to disallow him or her from you life altogether. Sociopaths live completely outside of the social contract, and therefore to include them in relationships or other social arrangements is perilous. … You may never be able to make your family and friends understand why you are avoiding a particular individual. Sociopathy is surprisingly difficult to see, and even harder to explain. Avoid him anyway. If total avoidance is impossible, make plans to come as close as you can to the goal of total avoidance. 9. Question your tendencey to pity too easily. Pity is another socially valuable response, and it should be reserved for innocent people who are in genuine pain or who have fallen on misfortune. If, instead, you find yourself often pitying someone who consistently hurts you or other people, and who actively campaigns for your sympathy, the chances are close to 100 percent that you are dealing with a sociopath. 10. Do not try to redeem the unredeemable.
- This is the hardest pill to swallow for many protestant faiths, particularly Lutherans who have gotten their theology confused and fail to properly distinguish law from Gospel. Evil is not redeemable. Satan is not redeemable. God has made the choice not to redeem Satan, but to destroy him. Christ redeems sinners, but destroys evil. Christians have to be careful in fellowshipping and engaging church leaders that have demonstrated an insidious evil that we call sociopathy. All evil is sin, but not all sin is evil- which is to say that all Evil people are sinners, but not all sinners are evil people. Do not let evil people have a space or place in your church or denomination. You will never change them and your responsibility to yourself and your church is to keep them from hurting you- which will only be accomplished through expulsion or excommunication, or simply totally ignoring them and limiting their influence in every way possible.
11. Never agree, out of pity or for any other reason, to help a sociopath conceal his or her true character.
- Think about how many children were molested because a Bishop felt sorry for a subordinate clergy person and hid their true proclivities, even to the extent of moving them to another place to conceal their behavior.
12. Defend your psyche. Do not allow someone without a conscience, or even a string of such people, to convince you that humanity is a failure. Most human beings do possess conscience. Most human beings are able to love. 13. Living well is the best revenge.
Thirteen Rules for Dealing with Clergy Socipaths
How to Handle the Religous Sociopath
Print This Post
Email This PostDr. Stout writes, "Socipaths are not few and far between. On the contrary, they make up a significant portion of our population. … For any individual living in the Western world to get all the way through life without knowing at least one such person, in some capacity or other, is virtually impossible. People without conscience experience emotions very differently from you and me, and they do not experience love at all, or any other kind of positive attachment to their fellow human beings. This deficit, which is hard even to ponder, reduces life to an endless game of attempted domination over other people. Sometimes sociopaths are physically violent… . Often they are not, preferring to "win" over others by raiding the business world, or the professions, or government- or simply by exploiting one person at a time in parasitic relationships… . " She outlines Thirteen Rules for Dealing with Sociopaths in Everyday Life. I’ll share those rules here and apply them to the Christian context. You can also think about these rules and how they apply to your own Christian context.
1. The first rule involves the bitter pill of accepting that some people literally have no conscience. These people do not often look like Charles Manson or a Ferengi bartender. They look like us.
- This is especially true in the church, which is a community of sinners bound together by the grace and sacrifice of Jesus Christ. It is important to remember that the church is a community of saved sinners, not a community of the conscienceless, nor a community of Evil.
2. In a contest between your instincts and what is implied by the role a person has taken on- educator, doctor, leader, animal lover, humanist, parent- go with your instincts.
- It is stunning the extent to which Christians forgo what they know to be true, pure, and right when they get to sit across the table from a powerful and charming bishop, pastor, or seminary professor. Studies show that otherwise normal and healthy personalities will do some of the most atrocious things in their blind allegience to an official with a title.
3. When considering a new relationship of any kind, practice the Rule of Threes regarding the claims and promises a person makes, and the responsibilities he or she has. Make the Rule of Threes your personal policy. Three lies, three broken promises or three instances of neglected responsibility are pretty indicative that you are dealing with a sociopath. Do not give your money, your work, your secrets, or your affection to a three-timer. Your valuable gifts will be wasted.
- I often wonder why Christians continue to engage leaders who consistently bamboozle them. In the Mainline leadership, it has become common practice to lie- well not always technically lie- but obfuscate the truth with artful use of words. It has also become common practice to use "bait and switch" and do things like "thread the needle." This is when leaders come to an agreement with a group or a person, and then use some obscurity in the conversation to achieve their agenda anyways through a "loophole" of some kind. It is also when church leaders say, for example, that they are upholding the rules of the church while they actually have no intention to. On the contrary, they are working feverishly to overturn the rules of the church, for example, in respect to clergy standards. This kind of dishonest manipulation is pure sociopathy.
4. Question authority.
- Just because your Bishop says it, doesn’t make it so. You should always question a leader’s authority when you have the feeling that they are abusing power, people, or the authority of their office. Do not go along with authority when you know full well they are wrong, and do not get tangled up following the rules they set down- especially if the rules they set hold the door open for evil and moral vacuity.
5. Suspect flattery.
- I have seen quite a few pastors and lay leaders buy lock, stock, and barrel into a sociopath’s agenda because they have been flattered with an appointment to an office, or with the opportunity to sit in the sociopath’s "inner circle." In fact, there could be nothing more insulting than a sociopathic bishop wanting you on his team.
6. If necessary, redefine your concept of respect. Too often, we mistake fear for respect, and the more fearful we are of someone, the more we view him or her as deserving of our respect. To mistake fear for respect is to ensure your own victimization. Let us use our big human brains to overpower our animal tendency to bow to predators, so we can disentangle the reflexive confusion of ansiety and awe. In a perfect world, human respect would be an automatic reaction only to those who are strong, kind, and morally courageous. The person who profits from frightening you is not likely to be any of these.
- How many churches bow to the demands of a denominational leader or bishop they know is doing wrong because they are afraid he or she will not send them their next pastor? How many bishops have threatened to remove a pastor, or take control of a congregation’s property, or have refused to provide qualified pastoral candidates to fill a vacant pulpit unless a congregation stops its protest against their radically sociopathic agendas? How many Churches have caved to these sociopathic bullies, allowing their evil to have free run in the world?
7. Do not join the game. Intrigue is a sociopath’s tool. Resist the temptation to compete with a seductive sociopath, to outsmart him, to psychoanalyze, or even banter with him. In addition to reducing yourself to his level, you would be distracting yourself from what is really important, which is to protect yourself.
- In the American church reform movements, good Christians constantly engage sociopathic denominational leaders with the hope of convincing them to do what’s right, or in their attempts to save the denomination itself from becoming wholly sociopathic. Conversely, sociopaths know that decent people will not be able to overcome them because we generally do not use the same tactics as they do. The best thing you can do is to refuse to be a piece in the sociopathic chess game. Instead, work to become the board upon which the sociopaths are constrained within boundaries and lines. You can’t beat a sociopath at their own game, but you can reshape the field upon which they have influence and access to limit their ability to hurt you and others.
8. The best way to protect yourself from a sociopath is to avoid him, to refuse any kind of contact or communication. The only truly effective method for dealing with a sociopath you have identified is to disallow him or her from you life altogether. Sociopaths live completely outside of the social contract, and therefore to include them in relationships or other social arrangements is perilous. … You may never be able to make your family and friends understand why you are avoiding a particular individual. Sociopathy is surprisingly difficult to see, and even harder to explain. Avoid him anyway. If total avoidance is impossible, make plans to come as close as you can to the goal of total avoidance. 9. Question your tendencey to pity too easily. Pity is another socially valuable response, and it should be reserved for innocent people who are in genuine pain or who have fallen on misfortune. If, instead, you find yourself often pitying someone who consistently hurts you or other people, and who actively campaigns for your sympathy, the chances are close to 100 percent that you are dealing with a sociopath. 10. Do not try to redeem the unredeemable.
- This is the hardest pill to swallow for many protestant faiths, particularly Lutherans who have gotten their theology confused and fail to properly distinguish law from Gospel. Evil is not redeemable. Satan is not redeemable. God has made the choice not to redeem Satan, but to destroy him. Christ redeems sinners, but destroys evil. Christians have to be careful in fellowshipping and engaging church leaders that have demonstrated an insidious evil that we call sociopathy. All evil is sin, but not all sin is evil- which is to say that all Evil people are sinners, but not all sinners are evil people. Do not let evil people have a space or place in your church or denomination. You will never change them and your responsibility to yourself and your church is to keep them from hurting you- which will only be accomplished through expulsion or excommunication, or simply totally ignoring them and limiting their influence in every way possible.
11. Never agree, out of pity or for any other reason, to help a sociopath conceal his or her true character.
- Think about how many children were molested because a Bishop felt sorry for a subordinate clergy person and hid their true proclivities, even to the extent of moving them to another place to conceal their behavior.
12. Defend your psyche. Do not allow someone without a conscience, or even a string of such people, to convince you that humanity is a failure. Most human beings do possess conscience. Most human beings are able to love. 13. Living well is the best revenge.

